1) I don’t smoke enough to be a writer.  Seriously.

2) I can’t explain how much I’ve learned about my own writing in this CRWT program here.  The critiques of my fellow students and professors has had incalculable effects on my work.  I have become a much stronger writer while I’ve been here.

3) I will never get better at deadlines.  I will simply do what I always do when I have to get something done – work on it as best as I can, but inevitably have to rush in the last eight hours to get the piece fully produced.  This was one habit that I really hoped UCR would break me of, but it would appear that I’m doomed.

4) Seriously, I should start smoking.

5) Every single teacher I’ve had (most of which I’m referring to are professional/published writers) have a different method for making their writing happen.  There are some crossovers, there are some universals, but there is no singular practice that will allow me to copy the greats.

6) The right professor can make you do strive for something you didn’t know you had in you.  A part of me wasn’t expecting my writing to change as much as it did when I was at UCR and, thanks to a few key professors, this writing has changed for the better.  Those of you reading that are in CRWT program will not be surprised by the names I’m about to list, but I feel particular mention must go to Victoria Patterson and Ben Ehrenreich.  Victoria has taught me the importance of nixxing some of my verbose tendencies and Ben…Ben has taught me more about my own writing than I expected to learn.  I recommend these professors as professors, I recommend reading their books, I recommend talking to them on a bus.

7) Just because other people think your school is trash doesn’t mean it is.  UCR might be just a few steps above Merced in the UC popularity chart, but there was no better fit for me.  I occasionally contemplate what would have happened if I went to UC Irvine and I feel my writing would be weaker for it.

8 ) Living on your own is awesome.  You do occasionally get very homesick and cry though.  Just throwin that out there.

9) Thick skins are important, but people must be able to penetrate it.  I’ve had so many workshops with people who think they’re better than everyone else and, thus, won’t take critique from them.  The ‘better than you’ part goes with the writer’s bravado, but you have to be able to admit you’re not the god king of writing and take some fucking suggestion.

10)  There is no situation that can’t be made better by having the correct people strategically surrounding you.  Whether this  is next to you in workshop, at the bus stop, or just sitting in their apartment talking about God and Harry Potter, I have come to realize that the right people can make a hard scenario tolerable.  I know that this is a bit upbeat for me, but fuck it.

When I walk across the stage in June (which, it has occurred to me, will be my first time walking in a cap and gown ever), I will be closing a huge chapter in my life.  I’m not gonna lie to you all and say that I’m not sad or scared or somewhat apprehensive.  But it’s one of those things where looking back makes you feel like you’re on surer ground.  UCR might not have prepared me for life (life prepared me for life), but it did give me an insight into myself and what I’m capable of.

And I think that means more than the piece of paper I’ll be given.

Not that said piece of paper isn’t badass.

But back on point.  I’ve been watching this for days and it has occurred to me that two of the three characters that I like the series are both villains.  This is hardly my first time liking villains more than the hero but I felt that the depiction really showed me why this is true for me.

In the immortal of Mel Brooks – “good is dumb.”

Because DBZ Abridged is a parody, everything is amped up.  The hero, Goku, is the dumbest fucking person in the galaxy.  He’s noble and kind and brave but he is dumber than fucking dirt.  His counterparts, Vegeta and Piccolo, are PAINFULLY aware of how fucking stupid this guy is and, very often, it is this stupidity that drives them to try and destroy Goku.   And their frustration is understandable.

Let’s talk about someone in a non-parody form.  Let’s talk about my very beloved Buffy.

(Yes, there are spoilers.  Yes, the show has been out for so long people want to reboot it.  No, I don’t feel bad for ruining anything for anyone.)

So, in season five, Buffy faces a freaking *god*.  The god can switch back and forth between a mortal man and her beautiful-goddess self.  Of course, the mortal male is something of a love interest because Angel was over in LA being broody (but not the hot kind) and Riley had gotten the fuck out of that ridiculous excuse for a relationship but that’s all inconsequential.  We, for the first time, see the heroine of our little story turn tail and RUN THE FUCK AWAY.  She does her whole “power up” thing though and goes back to defeat the god until she is forced to return to the mortal male form.  And Buffy WALKS AWAY.

…

Yes.  She looks at him, tells him to leave and walks away.  Now, everything ended up fine (a more-evil person killed the bitch) but let’s understand this.  The god/human was after Buffy’s sister and had horribly mind-fucked a close friend.  This being OWNED Buffy on several dates and Buff finally got the upper hand and decided ‘Nah, it’s cool.  Just leave.  Cause I’m good’.

Now, of course, I want my heroes squeaky clean.  The line said by that aforementioned more-evil person actually mentions that the reason Buff didn’t kill the person was because of her true hero status.  But it’s moves like this that makes me sort of feel for those villains.  Heroes seem to favor that altruistic moment rather than the smart move.

And that leads to pure villain rage.

Which, at least in the case of DBZ Abridged, is fucking hilarious.

The book fair only let a few people come over towards Neil at a time so it felt very one on one.

He was ridiculously polite.  My ex was the talker between the two of us and yet, he kept turning to me, asking how I was doing and how I enjoyed Preludes (which I had him signed).  He also was very concerned with getting to as many people in the line as he could but seemed just as concerned about making the drawing of Batman he was producing as good as he could.  He was just so…warm.  So kind.

The tragedy of all of this is that I met the man too early in my life.  Neil is my current hero, right up there with Joss Whedon, epitomizing everything I love about writers.  He cares about his people, cares about his readers, cares about his craft.  He cares about his genre.  He understands how to take his craft seriously while never losing the fun of it all.  He’s taught me how to be a writer.

I’ve read just about everything the man has written.  When I’m unclear as to how I should proceed in a story, I ask myself one of two things: one of which is, WWNGD?  How would he proceed?  He’s become one of my lights in the dark, my north star to get me through the storm.  He’s given me answers just by being the writer that he is.  I’ve thought about children’s stories in the past, about writing them, and how to do that without dumbing down a book.  No one can do that better than Neil

More than that, he’s got a happy life, something that most writers don’t have.  He and his kids have a great relationship: the open and honest kind that I always thought was best.  The videos of he and Amanda Palmer are the sweetest things I’ve ever seen between two of the weirdest people:  they look like children with crushes.

He’s one of those writers that manages to find the happy in his life.  And that’s rare for all people…let alone a writer.

Neil Gaiman is what I want to be when I grow up: successful, artistic and, above all else, happy.

RACHEL MADDOW:  That’s right – the only girl to grace my list is the lovely, funny, smart Rachel Maddow.  The only thing that makes this surprising for me is the fact that she’s a woman.  Everyone knows that she is exactly my type – nerdy as hell, funny, and one of the smartest people out there.  She was the first openly gay woman to win a Rhodes scholarship! How do you *not* wanna tap that?

ADAM SAVAGE:  I have this thing about smiles.  There are certain people who smile with their entire face; their eyes dance, their nose crinkles, hell their ears turn red and their entire face lights up.  This is Adam to a t.  He’s got the cute ginger thing going (and we know I love gingers) not to mention that mad-scientist intelligence.  Why is he surprising?  Have you SEEN Mythbusters?  I’ve seen the guy’s face get smacked in slow motion and I STILL wanna do him.  That’s surprising.

ALTON  BROWN:  Are we noticing this glasses theme?  Interesting, huh?  Anyway, my dear Alton Brown clocks in here too.  Again, we throw around the word “massively intelligent” as well as “entertaining and funny”.  He’s also taught me a lot of stuff which is pretty important as far as I’m concerned.  Alton is surprising because, while he’s cute as a button, I’m actually not that physically attracted to him – how fragile he looks nowadays isn’t helping.  He’s handsome, he’s cute, but physically, the attraction is a little light for me.  And yet…I want him.  Odd.

CLANCY BROWN:  Okay, yes, he’s very good looking.  He’s a great actor, he’s tall, he’s ginger (again), all things that I’m pretty on board with when it comes to a celebrity.  But the truth is, I only know him as evil characters.  He was this unbelievably scary guy in Carnivale (which you should all watch) who just…WRECKED people.  And he’s LEX FUCKING LUTHER!  He tries to kill Superman!  This goes far beyond the whole “Bad Boy” thing and RIGHT into the “Homicidal Boy” thing!  And yes, I know Clancy Brown PORTRAYS people but that voice is still the voice of Lex Luthor.

Oh what, you thought Wil Wheaton would be on this list?  THAN YOU HAVEN’T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION!  Everyone knows I want to do Wil, that’s not even a question.  Hell, he’s closer to my top five than the surprised five.  Feel someone’s missing?  Maybe Ronald D. Moore or Joss Whedon?  Wrong – these are the types of idols that I can barely bring myself to speak to, let alone try to get fresh with them.

So, who are your surprised four?

In the first season (so like, six years ago…which means it doesn’t count as a spoiler), Lily has this freak out about the life she never lead.  That she never slummed it in Paris or never suffered for her heart.  She starts to freak out that she hasn’t lived some fictional life that she created for herself.  Because I relate to her character so much I sort of felt betrayed.

What’s so fucking great about the person you were ten years ago?

Ten years ago I was a depressed person that couldn’t ask for help.  I was angry all the time and lashed out at the people who managed to love me.  I hated every part of who I was and didn’t have any idea where I was going in life – except that I would probably hate it.  I know that this is an extreme difference but it’s sort of typical.

It’s the same people who think that high school was the best days of their lives.  How the fuck is that even possible?  Life is so much better these days, so much better with the person that I have become.  My goals are real and fluid, things that can adapt to changes, unlike plans hatched as a child that dictate who you’re supposed to become.

Why do these ideas hatched by a kid make grown adults worry about how they’ve lived their life?

I like who I’ve become…but damn would I have hated the person 14-year-old me would have become.  I’m the kind of person that is okay with being a major dork, that’s okay with not knowing exactly where my weird ass life is going to take me.  I’m okay with the fact that I am NOTHING like that teenager wanted to become.

But Lea Michele is a grown ass woman.  And the last thing she needs is your protection.

Lea Michele was in Spring Awakening where in she got naked…often.  She was naked something like 8 times a week during the shows run.  She has “had sex” on stage.  She has had to make difficult choices about where her line is and she has done it in the past – the idea that some photographer could get her to do something that makes her uncomfortable is laughable.  The poses, the looks, all of those things that freak people out, were Lea’s decision.  She doesn’t need someone to fight for her, someone to come down and protect her like that girl in Fame who starts crying.  She’s accomplished and she’s a woman…

She’s got it handled.

This is all bullshit. Wonder Woman is a lame character.

No one ever mentions this for a variety of reasons: it might come off as slightly sexist (but I’m a girl so I don’t have to worry about that), a lot of people don’t read Wonder Woman, and she is such a staple of the DC Universe. Also, she has all of this unbelievable potential. But wasted potential doesn’t count when you’re talking about the delivery of a character. So I will now be bitching about what she is/will be doing and what she could be doing.

INFORMATION GATHERED FROM AN AMAZING INTERVIEW WITH J. MICHAEL STRACZYNSKI BY VANETA ROGERS AT NEWSRAMA.

THE MAKEOVER

So almost everyone in the world has seen the new look of Miss Diana Prince and it seems like the reaction has been pretty mixed. One poll said that 65% of those asked didn’t care for the costume but taking into consideration those who might just hate change, this really isn’t massive. The look is very 90′s really and I’m not sure why you would use a style from twenty years ago to give your character a modern look. There’s some interesting pieces though but even those are the more iconic Wonder Woman stuff: the tiara is really nicely done and her bracelets look more like gauntlets (though I am not a fan of the bracelets leaving a ‘W’ when she hits someone). The look isn’t great but it’s fine.

My issue is with the time line. You know all that stuff you know about Wonder Woman? No you don’t. All gone. And I don’t mean the “Is Jon Kent dead or alive?” sort of gone. I mean “The Waynes never died” sort of gone. Wonder Woman didn’t spend time on Paradise Island as a child, no. There was a war and Hippolyta gave her daughter away to the enemy or maybe some other Amazons took the tiny princess and to protect her – it’s a bit fuzzy there (and I sort of got some conflicting sources).

But that doesn’t meant that the old time line doesn’t count anymore. Apparently, the New Wonder Woman will have flashbacks about the Old Wonder Woman’s life. And Superman and Batman will have no idea about the Old Wonder Woman. There is no word at the moment what that means about Donna Troy and Wonder Girl. So we’re ignoring all of this? What about the fact that she killed Max Lord? What about the Amazon’s Attack? All of this never happened except that it did happen it just doesn’t count anymore?

WHY WONDY NEEDS A CHANGE

There are some many unbelievable aspects inside of Wonder Woman that basically are never explored.   There are a thousand ways that DC could have Wonder Woman interesting, compelling, relatable, all of the things that DC were looking to do with this complicated and convoluted reboot.

• WONDER WOMAN: MURDER: She killed someone and the repercussions were absolutely nothing; they just ran away from the idea for no freaking reason.  This was only about  four years ago and it was an amazing place to jump with the character.  Why weren’t there legal repercussions?  And sure, Diana felt that it was what had to be done, but how bout we see her having some issues with taking a life.  Why didn’t she present herself as a warrior to others but we, the reader, got to witness her as a person?
• WONDER WOMAN: FASCIST:  The Justice League cartoon sort of had this Wonder Woman but it could have been taken so much further.  Let’s make her a man hater.  Superman is one of the “good-ones”.  Batman is a dick but an effective dick.  She should absolutely think that every issue is because of a man or that every crime is done by a man.  She should be so confused and turned off by these THINGS that she barely trusts them enough to work with them.
• SUPER!SEXY WONDER WOMAN: One thing that Wonder Woman has not been (from my reading) is sexual.  She didn’t have a real love interest (that was long lasting anyway) and she was never put in a sexual role.  Of all the female superheroes that would be gay, doesn’t this one make the most sense?  Island of ALL WOMEN!  Or, don’t want to go that way?  Too “controversial”?  Okay.  How bout she gets ALL up on the guys?  If she isn’t gay that she, for the first time, has found sexually viable candidates.  Wouldn’t you just be…sort of stoked.  But really, just a love interest would be really interesting – as long as the interest was interesting.  Lois loved Superman before Clark.  Bruce loves people that are horrible for him, like Talia al Ghul and Selina Kyle.  Can’t just be some person.

So…yeah.  I know that I’m just hitting my head against a wall here but I feel like there is so much good in the Wonder Woman character.  However, the DC folk just don’t agree with me on this.  They didn’t see any sort of changes that could be made without completely undoing, not only Wonder Woman’s world, but the DC World in general.

Just sort of wished they had, I guess.

I have been sick for the past couple of days which means I’ve been spending some time on Youtube.  I found a great clip of Wil reading a snippet from Memories From the Future at a PAX Con a year ago.  In it he makes fun of Wesley Crusher in a heart-warming and loving way, the way you would make fun of the hair cut you had in the seventh grade.  This does not fill me with the righteous rage I feel to defend Wesley but it did make me think a lot about those who come down so hard on that character.  I was left thinking about the people that hated this character so much and why I wasn’t one of them.

I adore Wesley Crusher.  Adore him.  I have since I was a kid.  Maybe it was because I related to him as clearly as I did; I was a smart kid who felt that really the only people who got me were adults but that they were often looked down on me for nothing more than my age.  It might have been that he was awkward around the opposite sex, something that I would find endearing in men for a long long time.  Maybe it was because I thought he was cute, maybe it’s because I was always a mark for those that were smart and kind.  I also might be making excuses because it’s pretty clear that Wesley is Ronald D. Moore’s pet and I will defend anything that man ever does til my last breath.  Regardless of any of these things, I felt a kinship to Wesley.

I had no idea people hated him until WAY later on in life.  Like, way later.  When I first heard that people didn’t like him, I actually thought that I had just hit this weird pocket community that hated children.  As I became more acquainted with the internet (aka when I realized AOL was useless), I realized that it was actually I that was in the minority.  I couldn’t figure out why.  Had I missed something?  Did my immediate emotional attachment make me overlook all the things that everyone else saw?  I had no answers.  But, lucky for me, I started watching the episodes again and could test my own opinions.

No.  I was not wrong.  Wesley Crusher was a mother fucking badass and I don’t care what’s said.  Yes, sometimes he’s a bit of a know it all, but that’s because he’s practically the next evolution of humans!  They address that right off the bat!   Yes, sometimes he comes off a bit annoying, but what child character isn’t?  So why are people so pissed about it?  Why did everyone turn on Wesley like he was Scrappy Doo or something?

One reason might be what Shatner said to the twelve-year-old Wil Wheaton.  “I would never let a kid on my bridge”.  Yes, those fans of the old show that were coming in expecting the Captain to bone green women and for the female uniform to still be short skirts (well, all the time anyway), they might have resented having a mother fucking child running around the bridge, cockin things up.

Another reason might be that Wesley seems to lack a key element of the super-intellectual: anger.  That’s right, it takes a shit ton to make the little man angry and I don’t even think we ever actually saw him that way – just slightly bothered.  Anger and frustration is a key part of being a nerd, of being misunderstood, of being too smart for your own good.  Welsey isn’t any of that.  With all of the things that set him apart he’s still basically Ringo Starr: “Just Happy To Be Here”.  And yes, this is a bit of an issue but no more than any other of the writing issues on shows, particularly shows in the first season.

So yes, Wesley has his problems.  Sometimes he’s annoying, sometimes he’s a bit of a know-it-all, but that’s all it is: a bit.  And the good times with that character outweigh the bad.  And yes, this alienates me from the majority of the rest of the geeks.  But fuck it.

Wesley. Crusher. Fucking. Rocks.

I went to an Independent Study for high school, meaning I was essentially home schooled.  I would go to a building twice a week, an hour each time, and I didn’t really have friends there.  My main social interactions were my softball league and, of course, Youth Group.

I’ve never been the religious type and, even when I started going to Youth Group, I really was going to spend some time with my friend, Kasey Rowe.  What was amazing was how much I loved it.  There were awesome sporting events, teams that made you feel a true friendship with people you hadn’t known for more than an hour.  There was real music and people seemed to genuinely enjoy one another’s company.  I discovered music I hadn’t heard before and met some amazing people with whom I became very close, specifically David, Dyana, and Mike.

Life was generally really good.  I look back at those days and most experiences bring a very warm sense to me.  Even though there were times that were less than fun, mostly when I was tying to figure out if Mike liked me the way I liked him, or the times that I would fight with Kasey, but for the most part, every memory of that part of my life was a warm one.

But, of course, all things must come to an end.  I had a problem continuing with the Church for a variety of reasons, some stemming from their insistence on taking a purity promise and others coming from their requesting me to sever my “non-Christian relationships”.  I started dating someone, Kasey and I spoke less.  I lost contact with Mike, David and even Dyana for the most part (until, of course, Facebook).    All good things must come to an end and from that year came some difficult ones.

What’s funny is how some things never really go away.  I’ve been listening to Superchick and suddenly, I’m filled with that silly feeling of dancing around with Dyana.  When I went to her and David’s wedding, I wept so completely that strangers offered me tissues.  I still get very happy reading how happy Kasey is nowadays and I worry about Mike.  My life is completely different from those years, a better, happier, more fulfilled life, and yet my memories for a school year and a summer have not faded.

It’s nice to know that it’s not just the shit that stays with you.

Halloween was the kind of super-duper fun that you get really excited talking about.   Danny and I went with my best friend, Meredith, and her boyfriend, Chris, went as four members of the crew of the Serenity.  I was Kaylee, Danny was Simon, Meredith was Inara, and Chris was Mal.  We then went home and educated my ass, showing me the actual Serenity movie.

It’s funny because I know I haven’t updated in a long time and that’s mostly why I’m updating.  I don’t have a lot to say right now and absolutely nothing to rant about.  I just wanted to clue you guys in to what my life is looking like right now.  I’d say that hopefully some interesting shit will happen to me soon but the truth is, I hope my life doesn’t change too much.

I’m really happy right now.  A lot of that is personal, having to do with me and Danny but today was also a ridiculously protective day so I feel good right now.   I’ve finished the entire Ender’s Series by Card, which I might do a review of soon.  Things just seem to be going very very well.

And now that I’ve said that it will inevitably fall apart to around me.  Joy.